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June 18 Lessons from the not-so-smart sheep Somehow time just seems to slip by so quickly! I am still surprised every time I look at the calendar and see it is June... I'm still in the spring mindset, and with the stormy and rainy weather that has plagued our state so recently causing quite a pause in our planting, perhaps the fact that we are still planting beans tricks me into thinking we are still in the previous month. I continue to enjoy the peaceful serenity of the country. For some unexplainable reason, I really enjoy looking out the window and watching the sheep grazing in the pasture right by the house. Although I don't have the kindest words for these creatures when they choose to escape. One morning while talking on the phone with Brian's aunt I looked out to see sheep in the driveway. She sent her son, Barry, down to help. Up until my marriage to a farmer with sheep, a very handsome farmer I might add, my knowledge of these animals was rooted in what I heard from sermons. Yes, that's right, sermons. With many passages of Scripture including accounts and imagery of sheep and shepherds, many pastors preaching on these passages would explain the nature of sheep to shed light on the fuller meaning of the passage. While assisting Barry in corralling the sheep into their pen, I witnessed the nature of sheep myself and couldn't help but to see a greater picture. The sheep were scared, they really weren't interested in freedom, just food and the grass looked green and tasty on the other side of the fence, and the hole in the fence provided the door. However after wandering around the barn, down the road, into our driveway, and being spooked by us approaching them, the safety and security of the pen was what they really wanted. But no matter how hard we tried to help them, they just didn't seem to understand that all we were trying to do was lead them back to where they wanted to go. The most powerful illustration for me during this experience was after we had all the sheep corralled, but two. As Barry slowly approached them they ran to the closed gate of the pen. Ramming their heads into the corner by the gate, frantically trying to get in. Barry's approach did not ease their distress, and he had no choice but to quickly grab one, pick it up and put it over the fence into the pen. While this was successful from the standpoint that both sheep ended up in the pen, their frenzied fight - resulting in more of a drop on the other side of the fence, got me thinking. How often does Jesus, our Great Shepherd, try to lovingly lead us back to where it is safe, yet we run from Him? And how often do we fight and resist Him when He picks us up because He knows that ramming our heads into the gate is not going to get us inside? And how often to we get angry with God and blame Him when our landing hurts a bit? At the conclusion of this episode I said to both Barry and my husband... these sheep are dumb! And in thinking about this metaphorically to our sometimes response to the Great Shepherd, well.... I will let you draw your own conclusion. Thank You Lord for Your love. For understanding the big picture that we can not always see, even when we think we can. Thank You for Your patience and Your unfailing love, even when we resist You. March 22 WaterLast week we were without running water for the better part of 5 days. With the loss of this modern convenience I was reminded how precious water is. Water satisfies our thirst and hydrates our bodies. It is also needed for laundry, cooking, washing dishes, showering and last but not least, to flush the toilet. While running water is a convenience, water itself is a necessity. In the fourth chapter of the Gospel of John, Jesus offers LIVING WATER to the Samaritan woman at the well. "Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water." - John 4:10 [NASB] The Samaritan woman does not understand the true meaning of living water because she asks Jesus how he would draw it from the well. Jesus continues in verse 13, "Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life." The Samaritan woman came to the well to draw that which is essential to life on earth, and she walked away having conversed with the One who gives eternal life. February 23 Marriage is...GREAT! It is hard to believe it has been just over 6 months since Brian and I were married. We both really enjoy married life, and think it suits us just perfect. I have been adjusting to life on the farm and getting settled. I love life out here in the country (except when I forget to get something at the store or am craving fast food.) Brian and I are a part of a wonderful church family as well as rural residents of a very nice community. While marriage to Brian in general has been nothing short of delightful :) my health has been a challenge. Once we returned from our honeymoon, the fatigue and muscle aches that have been increasingly plaguing me over the last several years became too great to ignore. I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease (an autoimmune thyroid disease) in October and things continue to be very up and down. Brian has been incredibly supportive and encouraging, as has my family - Mom has spent many hours doing internet research - thanks Doctor Mom :) Through it all God has remained faithful. While at times I get very frustrated and discouraged, I am quickly reminded of all the great blessings God has abundantly bestowed on me. I married to an amazing man and have wonderful family and friends. Most of all I am loved dearly by a God who sacrificed His only Son so all who would believe in Him would have eternal life. Our time on the earth will be filled with times of joy and times of trials. The eternal splendor that awaits us who are in Christ when He calls us Home will be more appreciated because of the pains we experienced during this life.... we have to walk to rocks to see the mountain view. My hope is to get back into blogging... life on the farm is far from dull :) And the Christian life is always a work in progress. Although I'm not sure if anyone will want to read my scattered thoughts - other then perhaps my husband and parents. PS. Most of the wedding photos were taken by Bradley Spitzer, Spitzer Photogaphy, with a few from Mom :) March 15 I said YES!Two weeks ago Brian was getting ready to go on a snowmobile trip with a group of guys for the week, and while he was gone I was going back to GC to spend some time with my family. On that Friday night before we went our separate ways, I was over at his place watching TV while he was packing. He suddenly comes in, turns off the light, goes up to the fireplace and then sits down next to me. He then proceeds to ask me what is over by the fireplace. I look over, see only a nice roaring fire that is keeping the room nice and warm. He suggests I go over and look. I get up and walk over.... there sits a box with a ring in it. In my shock and surprise I turn around only to have Brian at my side and down on his knees... “Will you marry me?” My answer of course was... YES! Later he tells me he's had the ring for a couple of weeks and was planning on us going behind his corn crib (the same place we had a special night earlier in the fall when we sat underneath the stars and talked for hours about what we thought God was doing in our lives and what the next step was in our relationship), and have a bonfire so we could keep warm and sit under the stars. He even thought about stringing the ring around one of the cat's necks. But the weather just wasn't cooperating for his idea. He also knows I get cold really, really, really easy. We've set the date for August 18 (the only day this year that works for Brian, Jenny AND the hogs) and the craziness of planning a wedding has quickly began. I will still be going back to PLCC for the summer and will finish at camp a month before we get married. While I'm excited about planning a wedding, I am most excited about the fact that I will become Brian's wife. The wedding will be one day. The marriage will be a lifetime :) Every time I look at this beautiful ring Brian picked out and has given me, although I love the way it looks and the way it sparkles - what is most precious to me about this ring is what it stands for. There's no question about it... I love this guy and am so thankful that the Lord has brought us together. My brother said it best... “Jenny, he's the right guy for you.” November 30 Introducing...It has been awhile since I've last posted and I thought it was about time I wrote about what has been filling up my time lately. His name is Brian and he's that handsome farmer in the pictures :) We've been dating for three months, although we actually met almost 10 years ago, we never really got to know each other until a couple of mutual friends decided that we would make a great pair. And after these past three months Brian and I would agree they are right! I even made the move to Siouxland, as this part of the state is apparently called. I'm currently living in a small town 15 miles from Brian's farm, which has allowed us to spend quite a bit of time together. We both believe that God has brought us together and are praying about what the future holds. Brian is an all-around great guy... he's kind, funny, thoughtful and most importantly a solid follower of Jesus Christ. Since I've known people in the area for over 10 years it has made the move here easier - before I moved to KC to go to seminary I actually considered this area like a second home! I'm enjoying helping out with the youth group at Brian's church as well as attending a women's Bible Study. I'm also getting a crash course in farm life... I spent quite a bit time riding with Brian in the tractor during harvest... he's even teaching me to drive. (I need a bit more practice, but I did drive the grain cart alongside the combine for an unload on the go... okay, so Brian did have his hand on the steering wheel of the tractor a good percentage of the time, but technically I was the one in the driver's seat and he the one riding in the buddy seat so that has to count for something!) All in all it has been a great three months and my family agrees Brian is a keeper :) November 09 Breakaway 2006That time of the year has come and gone... Breakaway. It is an annual IBC youth event where this year over 450 high school students spent the weekend at Embassy Suites and competed in various sporting, music and drama events at a local high school. I've been a chaperone for this event long enough now that this year three of the other chaperones used to be in the youth group the first few years I chaperoned! Our group has grown and is a combination of kids from several area churches and we are known as The Shed. While the students look forward to this event because of how much fun the weekend is, the weekend is primarily an opportunity for the students to (hopefully) have an encounter with Jesus Christ. The speaker this year spoke about our choices today effecting our future, and that simply saying you're a Christian while living a life that doesn't reflect Christ isn't going to cut it. He had a powerful illustration on Friday night where he introduced three goldfish to the crowd and then took out one named Buzzsaw.... only to drop him on the floor and continue talking. While the crowd gasped he continued speaking and then finally asked how many would like Buzzsaw to be placed back in the tank. The anxious crowd quickly responded with raised hands and shouts of yes! Kyle then explained that most of the crowd cared more about that goldfish than they do their own lives. That is reflected in the choices they are willing to make which are destructive. He paid a dollar for the goldfish... Christ paid with His life so that we may have eternal life. He challenged the youth (and the adults) to make a difference with our lives, to not waste a single day and make it count for eternity. For as much fun as the weekend was - I had a blast... especially because I didn't know if I was even going to be able to make it.... I developed a sinus infection on Wednesday (serious enough that my mom thought she'd better make a 2 1/2 hour road trip to take care of me!) But by the grace of God I made it through the weekend and am still standing! Our group always has a great time and there is plenty of laughs... how could there not be with a group willing to sneak a foosball table into the hotel! But beyond all the laughs there are still several of these kids who have real hurts and are living in challenging situations.... my heart is heavy for them. My prayer is that this weekend was an opportunity for them to "breakaway" from the difficulties of life and experience joy.... true joy that is found only in Christ. October 07 HomeIt has been awhile since I've posted. While there are many new developments in my life over the past month one that is still uncertain is where I will call home! I have been reflecting on these issues a lot lately, and trying to continue to seek God and rest in Him rather than be anxious. Honestly, I've failed in this area and a hummingbird confirmed it to me. The other day while sitting outside on my parent's patio reading the Word I was distracted by a hummingbird that flew up to a flower... this amazing bird flutters its wings so fast they are but a blur... all the while the bird seems to be "standing" still - suspended in mid-air. At that moment I realized the past month I have spent the majority of my time flapping my wings... and getting no where. Now this may be a beautiful trait in a hummingbird, for me it is ridiculous! I am not meant to live with anxiety or worry, fluttering about trying to figure things out. It gets me no where. That doesn't mean I have to stop asking questions about my life, because the reality is I am at a point in life where I do have many unknowns... this past month has brought about a new relationship, which despite the excitement of it all, it adds more questions. But God is Sovereign and has a plan... now I just need to stop fluttering about and move at His pace, with His peace trusting His guidance. He knows the answers to all of my questions, and He will reveal them to me in His timing. A friend reminded me even today that it is not about seeking God for direction as it is about putting ourselves in the right position to see His leading when He reveals it. And as far as my frustration with not having a home... I'm realizing that as much as I want a home so I can be more settled, God has provided many homes for me to stay in. And rather than complain about having to live out of a suitcase, I should be grateful for all these homes. And even more than that, regardless of what ever home I should have or never have here on earth, God has an eternal home for me! And this is the Home that I should desire more than any other. August 25 Sleeping with the SharksSince camp ended two weeks ago, I've been spending most of the time in western Iowa staying with friends. On Sunday I was one of the chaperones for a youth group trip to the Omaha zoo... an overnight trip to the zoo. Yep, we slept in the shark tunnel. The pictures, of course, don't do the experience justice. It was a sleepless night for me, but for once I had something interesting to look at! I had a blast... this a great group of kids and there was no shortage of silliness (there is a distinct possibility this leader may have participated in said silliness.) There are many things I enjoyed about this trip, too many to detail here, but one of them was being able to watch Billy, the leader who organized the event, lead. I had the privilege of being a chaperone for several youth group events several years ago when Billy was in high school. Billy is living proof of the importance of investing in the lives of youth... because one day they will in turn invest in the lives of others. This is what he is doing. While he did a great job of organizing a fun event, he also presented the group with a challenge. To see all these amazing creatures and give recognition to their Creator... and even more to realize that this Creator also created us, and loved us enough to send His Son to die for our sins. But the majority of the world rejects this amazing free gift, rejects the Creator. All across the zoo scientific “facts” were posted about the creation of the world and its inhabitants. For all the beauty and amazement of creation on display... no recognition was given to the Creator. While it is easy for me to say... “how dare you deny God His due” and point my finger at our culture, I was humbly reminded while reading Scripture yesterday (and what a treat it has been to read God's Word while sitting outside enjoying the serenity of the farm, surrounded by the beauty of the cornfields over the rolling hills). So often myself I fail to give proper recognition and glory to all that God has done in my life. I get so caught up in what I want... what I believe is missing... what I see as things God is withholding, that I miss rejoicing and enjoying what He has so abundantly given. Luke 17:11-18 While He was on the way to Jerusalem, He was passing between Samaria and Galilee. As He entered a village, ten leprous men who stood at a distance met Him; and they raised their voices, saying “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!” When He sawthem, He said to them, “Go and show yourselves to the priests.” And as they were going, they were cleansed. Now one of them, when he saw that he had been healed, turned back, glorifying God with a loud voice, and he fell on his face at His feet, giving thanks to Him. And he was a Samaritan. Then Jesus answered, “Were there not ten cleansed? But the nine – where are they? Was no one found who returned to give glory to God, except this foreigner?” My first thought in reading this passage is how could those nine so easily enjoy their miraculous healing and not even give pause to thank the Healer. And then the conviction of the Holy Spirit... how many times has God given me amazing blessings and my first response is to enjoy the gift and fail to give thanks to the Giver. To benefit from the beautiful created world around me and not honor the Creator. Lord, forgive me when I live my life as those nine... may my heart be like the one... ready to give proper praise, thanksgiving and honor to You. August 09 Time Well SpentI only have a couple of days left here at camp... wow, has it been an amazing summer. Challenging at times, yes, but God has done incredible things in every type of circumstance... through the challenges as well as through all the fun. Some of the staff that remained at camp to help work with rental groups decided to continue our 6:30 am prayer and Scripture reading. As the summer has worn on and strength and energy seem to be nonexistent, getting out of bed has become more and more difficult. But this time of community prayer and reading of the Word each morning has been incredibly rewarding. Especially in light of the fact that I still am not sure where I will be living this fall or what exactly I will be doing. God is continuing to teach me that while He gives His children direction, He desires a relationship with us most of all. So much to my surprise, I have actually been enjoying this time of uncertainty... which is a new thing for me. I usually find security in planning and God is challenging me to find my security in Him alone. I do have my moments of panic and anxiety, but mostly I have been enjoying Him for who He is... seeking and enjoying His Character and Person more than merely looking for direction. After our group time of prayer I usually spend another hour of personal Bible Study... often I will sit by the lake. It has been incredibly fulfilling to experience such stillness and peace as I read the Word and pray. One of my favorite songs we sang this summer is "I Will Not Forget You" (by Waterdeep) Many men will drink the rain And turn to thank the clouds Many men will hear You speak But they will never turn around I will not forget You are my God, my King And with a thankful heart I bring my offering And my sacrifice is not what You can give But what I alone can give to you A grateful heart I give, A thankful prayer I pray, A wild dance I dance before you A loud song I sing, A huge bell I ring, A life of praise I live before You Many men will pour their gold And serve a thing that shines Many men will read your words But they will never change their minds Lord, regardless of whether the path ahead of me is clear or uncertain, I pray that I do not ever forget You. That I will not forget You alone are the Giver and You alone deserve to praised for all that You give.... and even more for who You Are. July 03 Destination or Distraction? So... I thought my plans were set for where I was going to move to after camp... then on Friday an email comes from my college alma mater with information about a job opening which sparked an unexpected interest to move there instead. Which for me, of course, means the wheels start spinning... What is this? What does this mean? Are you changing my path Lord? I've been thinking about all of this quite a bit the last few days and fortunately our camp schedule is pretty relaxed this weekend and I've been able to spend time in prayer. I definitely don't have any answers but I have decided to investigate things further. This new potential opportunity has dropped into my life completely unexpectedly and from out of nowhere (as did seminary!) The possibility to return to my former college campus and be able to disciple college women is definitely something that sounds exciting to me, but ultimately I want to be where God would have me be. Is this to be a new destination... or is it merely a distraction? While part of me is frustrated that all of this just adds to the many unknowns in my life right now that I'm trying to sort through, the exciting part is it is another opportunity for me to trust God and wait upon Him. Even if now I no longer know for sure where I'll be in six weeks (grrrrr), right now I do know that God has me at camp (yipeee), so each day I will wake up, seek Him and do what He puts before me (and I'm SO THANKFUL that right now it is camp and His work here!). Rather than focus on where I will be going, I plan to use this time to draw more intimately closer to Him... just to know Him more - to more deeply experience His presence, not to merely determine what is next in my life. Thank you Lord that You are Sovereign and that "in his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9) June 27 Secret MissionLast night I got to go on a secret mission! Rumor had it a Geocache box was hidden on camp. So at the close of the pool party, Paul and the Professional Guardians of Life [lifeguards] organized a secret operation to locate the treasure [hidden box with stuff in it] I was given the privilege of joining in... however due to the high level of secrecy pertaining to the mission [only half of the staff knew what we were doing] I would be required to dress in black. I rushed back to my room, found my darkest clothing items, grabbed my flashlight and ran to our pre-designated secluded meeting place [dining hall]. While Paul checked in with headquarters to receive the coordinates [went online at the office] the remainder of the team prepared for the upcoming expedition [raided the kitchen] After consuming high protein energy food [Shrek fruit snacks] I was ready to go. Paul arose as our fearless leader and expertly pointed the way [he had the GPS device] We hit a rough spot en route [stopped by the playground] and were required to slide over a deep pit [gravel on the ground] We almost lost Peter at this point, but thankfully Paul was there to catch him and we pressed on. Once we reached the Solitude cabin we headed into the woods. After a lengthy trek [about 20 feet] through the brush we located the concealed treasure chest [obvious bright red tackle box with a red flag] and opened it up to discover precious gems [a bunch of worthless junk]. We left our valuable contribution [a package of Shrek snacks and a fork] in exchange for a gold [gold colored carabiner]. Trouble hit on the way back when Paul lost the GPS signal and we were forced to find our way back [look up and see the back of the cabin] on our own. Baba panicked [we had to wake him up from boredom] and we safely made it out of the woods. On the hike back to main camp we all reflected on the exhilaration we were experiencing from this dangerous [a bit lame] challenge. Not wanting the mission to end [needing to do something more to make it exciting], I joined Greg and Matt on a sneak attack of the boys' campfire. We crept through the woods and crawled alongside the edge of a deep ravine [really, this part we did]. After crawling on our hands and knees through the dark thick forest [trees and brush alongside Family Camp] we settled in behind a bush in preparation for the big scare. Greg and Matt hurled massive tree trunks [tossed small sticks] at the campfire and made incredibly frightening animal noises [really bizarre sounds]. The boys immediately [5-10 minutes later] were terrified [slightly curious as to what was making weird sounds from the woods]. We rushed the camp [came out laughing after Adam accused his campers of being the ones hiding in the bushes]. Overall the secret mission turned out to be quite a success [somewhat comical]. We have a saying here at camp.... camp is for the campers. Well last night for us, it was pretty much about our own personal entertainment! Oh the joys of being a camperless staff member :) June 24 Reflecting on the weekA storm just passed through camp. About a half hour ago dark clouds rolled in over the lake and the formally sunny sky quickly turned dark... and the rain came down fast and heavy. I stood on the deck outside of my room and watched in awe and now 30 minutes later the winds have stilled, the rain has stopped and the sun is once again shining from the western horizon. If someone pulled into camp right now they would be very perplexed at why everything is drenched... the storm left that quickly and has been replaced by peaceful weather. This is a bit how things went this week at camp. We had our first group of campers, nearly 150 4th and 5th graders, arrive last Sunday. This group of high energy kids was both exciting and challenging. We had several incidents (storms) come in unexpected and quickly, however God worked these situations for His good and for His glory and the peaceful weather quickly returned. And these storms proved to provide water for thirsty souls. Several campers accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior and many others grew in their faith... even at such a young age! The lessons learned from the trying situations taught powerful lessons that could never have been created by our own lesson plans or activities... it is just another reminder that the work here is God's work and is done by His plan for His glory. I've finally uploaded some pictures from staff training and Juniors camp. The "senior picture" silliness was Emily and Myka's idea one night during staff training while we were all enjoying a BBQ meal at the home of one of the members of the full time staff. Although we had the weekend off I chose to stay at camp... with campers and most staff gone I knew this place would hold a beautiful stillness that would be refreshing. It has been. Sitting in the stillness and beauty of His creation, reading the Word, praying to my Father and reflecting on all that He has done... I am filled. I still have many things in my life right now that I don't understand... things that at times make me anxious or discontent... yet in this moment I am fully satisfied with Him alone. Yes, He does provide a peace that surpasses all comprehension. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. - Philippians 4:4-9 June 16 Meeting the RiverMy upcoming blog entries will be sent from camp! I'm spending another summer at PLCC as the Head Female Counselor. We've spent the last two weeks in staff training and today us girls tubed down the river. With sunny skies and temps in the 90s it was a perfect day to drift down the river. The combination of cool river water, the warm sun, a beautiful green treeline along the winding river bend and great conversation with the female counselors made for a wonderful afternoon. I am so thankful God has given me the opportunity to spend another summer here at PLCC - I love camp and am constantly amazed at all God does in and through the lives of everyone who comes here. His Beauty and Glory is all around! Thank You Lord for the beauty of Your creation, for camp and for all that You are going to do here this summer. June 13 Yet I Will Praise YouSometimes I just can't find the words to express my thoughts and emotions. I have been listening to a Vineyard song "Yet I Will Praise You" the past couple of days that definately is the cry of my heart... I will praise You Lord my God Even in my brokenness I will praise You Lord I will praise You Lord my God Even in my desperation I will praise You Lord And I can't understand All that You allow I just can't see the reason But my life is in Your hands And though I cannot see You I choose to trust You Even when my heart is torn I will praise (trust) You Lord Even when I feel deserted I will praise (trust) You Lord Even in my darkest valley I will praise (trust) You Lord And when my world is shattered and it seems all hope is gone Yet I will praise You Lord I will trust You Lord my God Even in my loneliness I will trust You Lord I will trust You Lord my God Even when I cannot hear You I will trust You Lord And I will not forget That You hung on a cross Lord You bled and died for me And if I have to suffer I know that You're been there And I know that You're here now How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will you hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in heart all the day? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death, and my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken. But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, Because He has dealt bountifully with me. -Psalm 13 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18 June 04 Beyond the ConfusionI have several unknowns in my life right now, especially as I face a new chapter in my life. I have been praying for answers, crying out to my Father in heaven for direction and guidance, and it seems when I find myself at a place where I believe I hear Him, it only turns to confusion by a change of events. I know He is not the author of the confusion… He is the Sovereign One sitting on His throne seeing the whole picture. While circumstances in my life may not be constant and seem to flip-flop pulling my heart in opposite directions, God is constant and His Word stands unchangeable, His character unchangeable and unmovable. It is in this God that I place my trust… my struggle right now is my emotions don’t always seem to reflect this trust. I have times of anxiety and frustration, but I’m thankful for His Word and for prayer… the huge blessing it is to be able to commune with Him. I did that last night. Spent time in the Word and crying out to Him. In reading and meditating on Psalms 27 and 130 I also had a song running through my head, My Savior, My God by Aaron Shust. The lyrics are a good reminder to me of what is True, what is NOT confusing… that the perfect Son of God gave His life for my sins… such love is too amazing for words. No matter what life brings (or doesn’t bring) this I know is true… Jesus Christ is My Savior, My God! I am not skilled to understand All I can say is that I undeniably love you Lord and I will wait for You and in Your Word I will place my hope. (Psalm 130:5) May 18 Send-off from SeminaryA party was held last night for four of us who are leaving the seminary campus and beginning new chapters in our lives. As you can tell by the photos this was a solemn event with deep theological discussions.... or maybe not. I will really miss these dear brothers and sisters and after already spilling many tears this week it was great for us to just get together and do what we do best... be silly. By the way, I had no idea a deep fat fried Twinkie would actually taste good. (Kinda like a doughnut!) Gotta run... another gathering and more goodbyes. May 15 Jeremiah was a... faithful prophetBefore I started seminary I had the opportunity to live a couple of months with an amazing family. Over the weekend I had the chance to spend some time with them and we discussed my last five years in KC and the many things God has taught me and where He is leading me. One of our topics was singleness and marriage. While I've been working on a blog entry that captures some of these thoughts I'm not ready to publish it yet... it is still a work in progress. However in thinking about my move and the future ministry God is preparing for me I have been struck hard by the life of the prophet Jeremiah. This morning I was reading from a book written by one of my former OT profs, Dr. Gary V. Smith entitled, "The Prophets as Preachers, an Introduction to the Hebrew Prophets." In his chapter on Jeremiah he concludes with a section "Theological and Social Implications." His words are far more articulate than mine ever good be, so I'll quote directly. It's a bit lengthy, but very powerful. "Jeremiah's life casts a long shadow that contradicts many modern philosophies of ministry, and his sermons are like truth serum that reveals the shameful deceptions that parade as sermons. Indeed, the heart is deceitful, cultural expectations of a successful ministry without conflict is appealing, widespread public acceptance can be alluring, and the status of being 'God's messenger' can be exhilarating; but God's calling and His plans give priority to listening to Him, sharing His words, and serving Him. Like Jeremiah, all of God's messengers begin ministry with cultural expectations of what the people want them to say and how people want them to act, but have little idea about what God wants. Some have the illusion that they both want the same things, that one can please both God and mankind, that people want to hear God's word and transform their lives. Jeremiah's life casts the dreaded threat that faithful messengers of God may suffer rejection by leaders and the laity, instead of status and popularity. He did not spend his time administering programs, but cared enough about his audience to spend time weeping for them and intently interceding for God's mercy. His message constantly pointed out the danger of accepting the deceptive theology of his day. He had the courage and honesty to disagree with the prophets and priests who enjoyed preaching frothy peace and prosperity messages. They did not take the time out of their busy schedule to understand what God was saying. Jeremiah was willing to reflect on how cultural and social norms had gradually replaced earlier moral standards. The faithful messenger gave words of hope, as well as words of judgment, even when they seemed inappropriate and used whatever means possible (sermons, books, drama, parables) to persuade some. Such honesty and devotion to God's truth may even create internal doubts and questions about God's care and protection. Is it all worth it? Why should I have to take such disrespect and political manipulation? Why do I feel so alone and rejected? The greatest struggle will not be the deceptive beliefs of others, but a messenger's struggle to maintain a personal walk with God." (p225-226) Lord, forgive me when I look to others for acceptance and approval rather than You and Your Truth. Forgive my lack of trust when I am fearful of what lies ahead in my life and in ministry. Help me to remember that You, the same God who gave strength to Jeremiah to endure very difficult trials, gives strength to me as well. May 13 RememberingMy grandpa passed away last week. He was 94, knew Jesus and had lived a very full life, so his passing was not a complete surprise, however it was still hard to say goodbye. My heart aches the most for my grandma - she and grandpa were married for 69 years. 69 years! And still every night before they went to bed Grandpa would insist on giving her a kiss goodnight. Here's a picture from their 69th anniversary. Grandpa loved to tell stories, he had many adventures in his life. He also loved tools and acquired quite a collection. When I was younger one of my favorite things about staying at Grandpa and Grandma's was getting the opportunity to go into the basement and see his tool collection. I was always fascinated by his collection and his knowledge of every piece. His collection finally outgrew the basement and he built a two-story museum to house these prized possessions. It is a good lasting legacy to this great man and his appreciation for history. Although the occasion for gathering was a sad one, I did enjoy the opportunity to be with my family. I got to spend time with my brother, sister-in-law and my very precious niece. I also got to catch up with my cousins. The last several years the only time we've gotten together is once a year at Christmas. We heard stories about Dad and my uncle growing up that we hadn't heard before (hmmm.. motorcycle tag) My cousins and I reminisced about growing up and all that time we spent playing at the creek... only now to see the trees gone and the landscape very different than what it was when we were younger. Out of the six grandkids, I was the 3rd eldest and only girl. As much as I can remember the boys didn't seem to have too much of a problem letting me join in and play with them, and I even managed not to be the one picked on... lucky for me my two older cousins reserved that for their younger brother and my youngest brother. Perhaps it was my age that helped me, or perhaps it was my height :) Until my younger brothers finally outgrew me by the time I left for college, I had always been the tallest. Sorry guys, it's still that way.... I am so very thankful for my family and I will always cherish the many memories I have from my childhood. Thanks for the memories Grandpa, I love you. April 16 Emptyemp·ty adj. 1. Holding or containing nothing. 2. Having no occupants or inhabitants; vacant. 3.Lacking force or power. 4. Lacking purpose or substance; meaningless: an empty life. 5. Not put to use; idle: empty hours. 6.Devoid; destitute. Looking at these definitions, the word empty seems to have a sadness to it. It is the opposite a full… a much more optimistic adjective. Yet today on Easter Sunday the reason we celebrate is because of this word…. because the tomb was empty! Jesus Christ was crucified, died and buried… but just as He promised, He rose from the dead. The stone was rolled away, the tomb was empty. Ever since there have been skeptics, those unwilling to believe… those choosing to deny the truth, continue in darkness… remain themselves empty. For me, God sending His only Son to die an excruciating death for my sins, to pour out His justified wrath on One who was without sin so that I may be reconciled to Himself without compromise to His holiness is a Truth that is not only humbling but undeniable. My life is full because the tomb was empty. April 13 Fear = Lack of TrustI've had a lot on my mind lately (but then again what's new!) and haven't been sleeping well (that's not new either!) Sunday night... or I should say, early Monday morning, after tossing and turning for hours I felt the Lord prompting me to get up and spend some time reading the Word. One of the passages of Scripture I read was Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears." I've been reflecting on this passage all week. The psalmist recognizes that God delivers His people from fear, but not necessarily from difficult circumstances. While God doesn't always remove us from uncomfortable or trying situations, He does promise to be with us in these times and to comfort and strengthen us. One of my fears is heartache. I've experienced it in my life and would prefer to not experience intense heartache again. Of course that's not realistic.... the reality is life is hard and will always present trying circumstances. I realized a lot of my anxiety over the past couple of weeks is rooted in my fear of future heartache as I continue to transition into a new phase in life with many unknowns. God through His Word reminded me that He desires to deliver me from these fears and that my fear actually is a lack of trust in Him. If I truly believe that He is trustworthy and will be faithful in carrying me through what ever lies ahead, my life should be characterized by an absence of fear. I know this will continue to be a struggle and I am often frustrated by my lack of faith... but I desire to live a life that reflects a complete trust in the Sovereign Lord! I'm so thankful He's patient with us! |
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